It has been a while since my last post! I have been very, very busy. In a matter of days, my life was turned upside-down. In a good way. I am now working full time, and I got a rabbit! The rabbit came first, which has put a bit of a strain on my finances. But I couldn’t be happier about not knowing how on Earth I’m going to pay for my insurance, rent, and credit card.
My rabbit’s name is Bailey, and I love her so much! She was bred for meat, so she is huge. And yes, she was bred for meat. As in, she almost died. As in, I saved her life. My friend who works on the farm she lived told me about her. She was being picked on by the other rabbits. She wasn’t big enough for meat (despite being the size of a small dog), her fur had several bald patches, her nails were like talons, and her teeth were overgrown.
After many visits to the vet, pet stores, and walks outside, she is looking great. I can tell she is happy from her body language. I googled what all the weird shit she does means. Her fur still has some growing to do, but she no longer has any bald patches.
As for the job, I am working back at the library I worked at in high school. I am only there until August 16th, but I am loving it! I spend my morning interacting with kids, and my afternoon working on the computer.
Now to get to the point of this blog post, I have decided to become a flex-ovo-vegetarian. I have been having a series of nightmares about slaughterhouses. Being a vegetarian doesn’t make me feel any better about them either. I can’t stop thinking about animals being killed. I think it’s because I keep thinking about how close Bailey was to having that fate.
When the nightmares started, I thought that maybe if I faced my fears about slaughterhouses and watched some videos about factory farming and read a couple of articles that I might stop having these dreams. Because that’s what you’re supposed to do, right? Face your fears.
Watching all these videos and reading these articles just made everything worse. I can’t even see meat without feeling sick anymore. One kid brought a book into the library about hunting, and he was telling me all about cutting up dear properly. I did my best to mask my distress.
During these past couple of weeks of nightmares, I have been more anxious than I have been since I started my anxiety treatment. I just keep thinking about cute animals covered in blood. All day long. It’s very unsettling.
As I result, I felt like I have needed to make a lifestyle change so that I am not contributing to what goes on in slaughterhouses. I have decided to become a flexi-ovo-vegetarian, which I’m pretty sure I invented. There could be someone else out there who has already coined this term, but I don’t know about them. To explain what a flexi-ovo-vegitarian is, I am going to dissect the word.
Vegetarian: A person who does not eat meat.
Ovo-Vegetarian: A person who does not eat meat or any dairy products.
Flexitarian: A person who is almost a vegetarian, but not quite. They eat some meat, but hardly any.
Flexi-Ovo-Vegetarian: Someone who does not eat any meat, and hardly any milk products. At home, they will not consume dairy. However, because they are extremely anxious about being a burden to others, they will eat dairy if it is served for a meal at another person’s house. They do eat eggs, but only free-range eggs.
So, that’s what I’m doing. I will definitely be talking to my therapist about these nightmares because I am tired of waking up crying and shaking.
Also, this isn’t meant to make you feel like a terrible person if you do eat meat. I’m just having a shit time with all of these nightmares.