Romantic Comedies

Have problems.  Meet the right person.  Fall in love.  Problems solved.

This is the plot of almost every single romantic comedy.  It’s the plot of other movies too, ones that aren’t even meant to be cheesy and all lovey-dovey.  In so many movies, we see someone who is struggling with their own issues.  These issues could be anything: low self-esteem, commitment issues, shallow personality, mental illness, etc.  But then this person meets someone who changes their entire outlook on life, and solves their problems for them. What I want to know is:  What will happen to the rest of us?  What happens to those of us who have these same issues, only we’re not in love?  Do we have to wait until the right person comes along and makes all of our problems go away?

Now, I know that these movies are just fiction.  They aren’t supposed to be realistic.  They are supposed to play at our emotions to reel us in.  I have no problem with this for entertainment value.  I love a good rom-com as much as the next girl!  The problem that I have with it is when people seem to think that this is how their lives will get better, that they just need a new boyfriend or girlfriend to make them happy, that a relationship should be everything they need to lead a happy life.

This isn’t the case, though.  I see many of the people who think this way go into relationships, but they still have all the same problems that they did before.  When I’ve dated guys, my mental illness doesn’t go away.  If anything, I’m more unhappy in relationships than when I’m on my own because my relationships are so unhealthy.  Depending on someone else to make you happy is not healthy.  It’s destructive.

I think that the best way to work through your issues is to do it on your own.  Yes, it is helpful to have people support you through your issues.  I don’t know what I would do without my friends and family.  What isn’t helpful is having one person be the solution to your problems.  Who wants that kind of dependence?

Now, I’m not saying that people shouldn’t fall in love.  I think that finding the right person in life is wonderful!  I don’t mean to say that you should go and live alone forever.  Inviting people into your life is great!  In fact, I wish that I could be better at it.  I just think that the way movies teach us that all we need to solve our problems is to fall in love is unrealistic.  I’ve had someone tell me that they would help me work through my depression, and that they would fight it alongside me.  That relationship ended up to be the most destructive relationship I’ve ever had with anyone.

Maybe my point of view is askew because I’m so damaged.  Maybe I’ve just only ever had unhealthy relationships, so my judgement is clouded.  I don’t know.  I just think that the best way to solve our problems is to get the help we need from either ourselves, a self-help book, or a professional, but it’s not to fall in love.  What do you guys think?